Paving–how to…

I am generally a stranger to the garden, but one recent sunny, Saturday afternoon I thought it might be nice to help Sally with a bit of weeding. One thing led to another and we started to talk about taking down the old shed that has been at the bottom of the garden since Adam was a lad. But what to put in its place?

“A patio”, Sally agreed.

“Good idea”, I decided, “somewhere to sit in the sunshine”.

See how my mind rushed immediately to thoughts of balmy days, lounging on the patio, cooled by lashings of ice-clinking lemon barley water?

Anyhow, within minutes, I was tearing down the shed (almost literally) with my bare hands. I was motivated by the sunshine and wanting the exercise (no run that day) and I was full of visions of laying the patio and saving money (particularly the money – have you any idea how much paving costs from a proper bloke?). How difficult could paving be, anyway?

The next morning, off to B&Q bright and early: paving slabs, sand, ballast, decorative stone chippings and a rubber mallet, plus some advice from one of the men working there. I could feel success coming on.

In the garden, I decided (with Sally’s “help”) that I would leave the concrete sleepers that had been supporting the shed in place, to provide a level base (error no. 1 (or no. 2, counting deciding to do it in the first place)). I tamped the ground, spread ballast and sand, got it level. I even thought to put in a brick edging to stop it all flowing all over the place under the pressure of the sun-loungers. By the time it got dark, I was ready to lay the paving. A good day’s work; I felt I had earned my dinner.

I should point out that the brick edging was poor and the concrete sleeper base, plus ballast, plus sand made the patio quite high off the ground. Also, I had realised I had only bought about half the required number of paving slabs and far from enough stone chippings. Over the next couple of days Sally obviously gave a good deal of thought to the progress I had made. No doubt she compared the quality my work with the quality she had previously experienced from a professional paving guy. Whatever, on the Tuesday evening, she sacked me! How embarrassing: weighed in the balance and found wanting by my own wife and fired! I was upset, but brave!

To add to the injury (I would say, “to add insult to the injury”, but I couldn’t have been more insulted), a day or two later, just as I was getting used to the idea of being sacked, and looking forward to getting back to doing what I liked (which is mainly messing about and stuff) she summarily re-instated me, giving me “one more chance”! The cheek of the woman!

So, up came the sleepers, the sand and the ballast, and I dug down. I unearthed stuff – broken paving slabs, posts, roots, bricks. I got the ground as flat as I could and whacked it down with a post I had dug up and checked it was level with a spirit level. I pulled up the edging and laid it again (flat and square this time) and carefully laid the paving (including the extra paving) – another couple of days work! Was it OK this time? It was better, but not right.

I took a radical step – I asked for advice and was told to lay the paving on a weak sand and cement mix. After deciphering this advice, I bought some sand and cement, and mixed them and laid the paving. Mixing cement is a very manly thing to do, don’t you think? And edged it with some nice stone chippings. Good? Yes! But…

…there was “just” a bit of additional stuff. So more digging, and removing bushes and replanting them, laying huge, incredibly heavy paving slabs (that had been hiding behind the shed), and moving rocks in the rock garden that had been uncovered, to make an area for storing bins. Oh, and there was a little ramp so that the bins could be wheeled up to their new storage area.

Then there was a bit more edging, more whacking and more stone chippings; and finally, the grouting between the paving slabs (and re-grouting in the old patio where it had come out) and some alpine shrubs and plants for the re-discovered rock garden. Finished at last!

So what do you think? The project cost about £200 and about 5 or 6 days labour. Funnily enough, I actually enjoyed it. I want to build a wall next…